dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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