I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
