Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
