Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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