i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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