We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
