Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
