Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
