I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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