walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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