Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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