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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
sarcasm needs its own font
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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