can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
