I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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