you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
