the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
