she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize