I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
