I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
time to smoke my breakfast
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
