He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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