Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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