I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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