Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
