ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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