I want to make a zoo with you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
