Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
