omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
