is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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