He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
