I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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