I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
