So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
