I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize