Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
