despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
