oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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