the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
