i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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