well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
