this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
