Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
