Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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