im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
