It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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