Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
