The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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