Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
