Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
