Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
