So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
