Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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