all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
