i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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