happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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