the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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