Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
