is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize