You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
