I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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