My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
