oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
