proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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