no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
