You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
