WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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