I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need water and some morals
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
