I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
